Looking at the definition of the word "sport" or "sports", pro wrestling qualified in every aspect of its requirements. Competitive physical activity... check! Casual or organized participation... check! Aim to use, maintain or improve physical fitness... check! Entertainment... (in Eat Bulaga! tone) check na check! Of course you'd say it's not because its result is scripted and manipulated. You know what, be glad it is.
Every move inside that ring is calculated and designed to provide ultimate and awesome moments without harming your favorite professional athletes... or wrestlers. Imagine an MMA match. You see your favorite MMA fighter, say for example, Rashad Evans. You love him so much you want to see him fight until 2038. Then he faced Jon Jones. Inside The Octagon during their match, Evans ate a spinning back elbow from Jones that was so lethal Jonny Bones cracked his skull. Then brain hemorrhage. Then Evans in coma. Then Evans in the funeral. That would suck right. We know it's great because it's real. But when those kind of things happen, it sucks. Can those accidents be avoided in combat sports? Absolutely! Script it. There is what you call "calculated risks". That is what is lacking in MMA and has everything in pro wrestling. Now what does the brains behind pro wrestling do to make it so much better? Put in storylines. Not only these pro wrestlers become athletes, they're now actors!
You know what, this is getting pointless. I don't care if you like pro wrestling or not. I just wanna talk WrestleMania so bad right now. So let's do this!
WWE is now in its yearly climax. Every wrestlers dream. Every wrestling fans' wet dreams. WrestleMania XXVIII. To make our favorite sport without an involvement of a ball interesting, let's dissect the matches included in this spectacle, and try to predict the outcome of it. Take note that the match order is also a prediction. Wait until we get to the Divas match to why the match order predictions. (Let's just stop the introductions and explanations here. Dun na tayo sa ulam.)
First match: World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan vs. 2012 Royal Rumble Winner Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Championship
The build-up: So random. Daniel Bryan being champion is no accident. This guy bust his ass week in and week out in that ring with precision. No other goofy stuffs done during matches. And as an actor outside of wrestling matches, yeah... he's doing fine being that kind of jerk, adding a cute AJ Lee to complete his jerk ensemble. A totally great performer.
But why Sheamus?
There is an important footnote in this match-up. These two also met in WrestleMania XXVII (last year) for the United States Championship. It was first slotted in the main card, then suddenly relegated to being a dark match (a match not shown on TV). Moving forward, him winning this year's Royal Rumble and this year's WrestleMania must be some return payment for what the powers that be (the authority) have done to him last year. That's some justice.
But their feud is so lame and so random, that I'm pretty more interested to what Eve and Zack Ryder are up to right now. I mean... can Sheamus at least say he's sick of Daniel Bryan being a total jerk? Or Daniel Bryan saying Sheamus can only beat jobbers (mid-card-and-below wrestlers)? None. Wala. If no storyline is included whatsoever, then that must mean their in-ring performance must be enough for it to sell. With Daniel Bryan, hell yeah! With Sheamus, I don't know.
Result: As much as I want Daniel Bryan to win, I think Sheamus will go over him clean (without interference or dirty tricks whatsoever) and be the new World Heavyweight Champion. Just imagine what would Sheamus be doing after WrestleMania if he loses. Continuing to beat jobbers right? That's pretty lame for some massive human being that can become a great character if only creative has something for him. If he's the champion, creative will have something for him. Daniel Bryan has a character now so he can leave the belt alone.
Second match: Randy Orton vs. Kane
The build-up: Randy Orton is now a graduate of "This is what happens when you get injured before The Grandaddy of them All" scheme. If Big Show didn't botch this RKO then Randy would have had a full month of steam to even enter the World Heavyweight Championship match and make it a Triple Threat match. But he only had a couple of weeks. WWE cannot afford a WrestleMania without one of their mega-babyfaces in the card. So pick some guy who you wanted to win and at the same time put him over. TA-DAAAAN! It's Kane!
Result: Kane by disqualification. A mad Orton will use some foreign objects to trample the Big Red Monster. A punt in the head to Kane is possible, thus ending the feud. Otherwise, this will move on to the next PPV event, Extreme Rules, in a more "brutal" fashion.
Third match: Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show for the Intercontinental Championship
The build-up: Are we all just amused of having a gentle giant character on TV? And it's more amusing to have that gentle giant run over a mean dude who picks him apart for no apparent reason. Big Show getting over as a babyface is such a fun thing to watch. Cody Rhodes as that annoying heel who humiliates Big Show every single Raw and SmackDown! is so perfect. Though their feud is not in that mainstream level, the simplicity of it is perfect enough for fans to follow.
Result: The Big Show getting a win despite Cody Rhodes using dirty tactics. Rhodes is a pretty good performer, but he shelved that IC title for quite long and not even defending it. It's time to let it go. And yeah, replace your entrance music. (Cody Rhodes is included in the " Present Worst Wrestling Entrance Themes" list. The number one on the list? Wade Barrett.)
Fourth match: Team Johnny (Captained by David Otunga; Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz) vs. Team Teddy (Captained by US Champion Santino Marella; Booker T, The Great Khali, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder). Winner gets to run both Raw and SmackDown!
The Build-up: This is the annual "Throw in everybody so they can finally say they have their own WrestleMania moment!" match (previously known as Money in the Bank Ladder Match). The stipulation is appropriately placed and (majority of) the characters are fit to it. It's just so unfortunate that Christian won't be a part of this anymore for an official reason unknown yet. The inclusion of Christian was probably the golden moment there when John Laurinaitis offered him to be in the team and in exchange for a win, Christian will have "one more match" (a shot at a world title). Shades of Vince McMahon right? And what does a Vince McMahon on TV means? A power corrupted boss whose hobby is to screw his disloyal employees over and over. That's great TV! And the thing that is adding color to this feud is the counter to that heelish attitude in Teddy Long. The face-to-face screaming, shoving, slapping, and mocking these two do to each other is well done. I just wish the entire twelve men roster have a lengthy brawl this coming final SmackDown! before WrestleMania. That would be the perfect teaser for this match.
Result: Team Johnny will win it, guaranteed. Maybe it's high time to put some new Vince McMahon-like authority figure on TV. The winning pinfall will likely be by David Otunga over R-Truth. Otunga is the only significant man in Laurinitis' side right now. Mark Henry won't be, because of a certain "Lord Tensai" (previously known as Prince Albert, Albert, and A-Train) will come and according to news, he will become Johnny's head honcho. Why R-Truth? Just a wild guess.
And one important note. With the late inclusion of The Miz, I'm seeing he'll probably mess things up big time for Team Johnny that it will nearly cost them the win, until somebody saved it for them. And after the match, The Miz will have an earful of bashing from his other teammates (and Johnny of course), and he'll transfer that frustration somewhere along the show. Just you wait.
Fifth match: Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve
The build-up: It's this year's "Celebrity Match" combined with the "much necessary" Divas' match. Just that simple. A noteworthy side note? Eve's heel turn. An even more noteworthy side note? On the WWE website, this is in line to be the first match of the evening. Would you like to see WrestleMania open with a Divas' Dance (otherwise known as Divas' match).
Result: Celebrity's team winning of course. Kelly Kelly getting the pin over Eve using her very deadly finishing move... The Roll-Up.
Sixth Match: WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho for the WWE Championship
The build-up: This was bound to happen upon Jericho's return. We all just wished the result of the Royal Rumble was kept to its original plan (I still think Jericho was booked to win it) so creative won't mess things up on building this match. But hey, have we complained about how Jericho's rant of CM Punk stealing his "Best in the World" schtick? How he ended in that Elimination Chamber match (got kicked in the head and out of the chamber, unconscious)? How he is outmaneuvering Punk in their ring encounters? How he inserted that worked personal shots against Punk? If you are complaining about Jericho's attitude and his meanness towards CM Punk, then he's done his job. You already bought in to his schtick. (DISCLAIMER: Chris Jericho is my favorite of all time.)
CM Punk? Yeah. He's the greatest thing that is happening right now in the WWE. His straightedge character perfectly fits to a heel Jericho in a way that various readjustments to their gimmicks won't be necessary. They just have to sell their products in the ring which I think won't be a problem. Chris Jericho won't be the first Undisputed Champion if he didn't do anything good in the ring until now. CM Punk won't be 3-time world champion if he didn't do anything good in the ring. Great match up ahead!
Result: Jericho winning is fine. Punk winning is fine. But for the sake of prediction, CM Punk will win over Jericho in a slightly controversial fashion. I really think WWE will give CM Punk a reward of having the biggest WrestleMania moment of his career. But guaranteed this feud will continue over to Extreme Rules.
Seventh Match: The Undertaker vs. Triple H in a Hell in a Cell Match with Shawn Michaels as Special Guest Referee
The build-up: The storyline is great. Their execution of promos are slightly horrible, but when it's time to drop the atomic line, they do it so well. With future hall-of-famers like these guys, they don't need such bullshits that I need to say like I said to the other six (and the next match). Let's just recap the story.
From The Undertaker's side: he can't accept the fact that he was dragged in a mobile stretcher after their match last year even though he won it. He's willing to give Triple H a shot at immortality (ending the unendable streak) just so he could redeem himself. From Triple H's side: he know he could beat The Undertaker but he refuses to face him because he sees The Undertaker as a marquee brand for the future of the WWE. He just accepted the match because he couldn't accept the fact that his
Result: Will the WWE creative end Undertaker's Streak? Of course not! That will not only be The Undertaker's legacy once he retires, but The Streak will also be the WWE's "marquee brand" in the future. So yeah, The Deadman will win. The only thing that I really wish to see is that all these men draw blood in this match. It won't happen. That is not the thing the PG Era is teaching. Speaking of PG Era.
Main Event: The Rock vs. John Cena
The build-up: "Icon vs. Icon" match at WrestleMania X8. Hollywood Hulk Hogan and The Rock. The past generation against the present generation. Even just their names put on to that match is enough to draw 4 million people. But in principle, it drew more. Thanks to the great build-up they did other than past versus present. It was so great, it can be summed up to four words. Hogan accepted being heel. (Hulk Hogan had the run of being heel in WCW, but he seemed it didn't work. When he came back to WWE, he recreated nWo for a necessary work for the future match against The Rock. Rocky won, and Hogan back to babyface status in an instant after the match).
Ten WrestleManias later, here we are again. Past versus Present. The Attitude Era against The PG Era. The Rock and John Cena. Again, those names drew 4 million people. But with the build-up to it, it became less. Who messed it up? Honestly, it's John Cena.
He didn't want a heel turn even though male fans are begging him to turn heel (while women and children are slightly curious of how a Cena-heel would look like so they want it too deep down). With the way Rocky is rolling in between WWE and movies, there's no way WWE and the fans could turn him heel, and during his heydays, he had done that. While Cena, he wasn't really a heel when he was still a mid-card jobber to Brock Lesnar. It was the perfect opportunity for him to explore his dimension of character as a wrestler, with The Rock willing to get Cena over once everything is done. Would two babyfaces make a good match at each other. No! This match became Rocky as the face and John Cena as a pretty-messed up dude. No wonder Rocky makes fun of his lady parts. And with the way Cena perfectly executing his promos against The Rock (heel promos in my opinion), he really should have turned heel.
Result: The Rock winning in a controversial fashion but not by disqualification. The cause of controversy? Guess it in five seconds. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... TA-DAAN! THE MIZ (I told you to wait)! After the match, Cena and Rock will beat The Miz to hell and they'll raise the hands of each other when it is all over. John Cena and The Rock will have a legendary match and The Miz will be buried in The Grandaddy of them All!
Watch out for the Sportscast Engineer! Happy
